twohundredandeightyfour.

"hey mickey, how's the worms?"

1971
new york city
al pacino is there
chipping in needle park

i'm not there
fourteen years too soon
but i would've been
fucking boosting kitty litter from the pick n' pay

'i don't like to wake up alone'
say it again again again again, helen
'if i went away somewhere,
would you come with me'

a thousand times yes
africa or ft. wayne
forget the encyclopedias
you're folks will love me regardless

twohundredandeightythree.

"i am curious: turquoise"

it's coming back to me
the creativity
like a sexual politico pseudo magical
revolution

1967
where were you
sweden
doing what?

revolutionizering

how did that go for you
quite splendidly actually
made films, two of them, one amarillo one turquoise
split the two into another two

orange and cream
they were both quite revolutionary
although i lost the film
before i was able to make a copy

tragisaddery

twohundredandeightytwo.

"hiatus"

going to take a hiatus
until i get creative again
and cool

where did my creativity
(and coolness)
go?

africa
it fucking went to africa
without me

twohundredandeightyone.

"my week in schedules"

MONDAY
wakeup
go to work
do things that are medium fun
do things that are not so medium fun
go home
play with the dog
go to bed

TUESDAY
wakeup
go to work
do things that are the same fun as the the day before
ditto
go home
play with the dog
go to bed

WEDNESDAY
(see Monday)

THURSDAY
(see Wednesday)

FRIDAY
(see Thursday)

SATURDAY
party

SUNDAY
pray

REPEAT!

twohundredandeighty.

"e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l."

that time of the month i guess
i guess you could say that i guess
i guess it might probably possibly could be true
i guess i am an emotional wreck
i guess

i guess i am lonely and sad and tired and awake
i guess i can't sleep because i don't know how to go to bed alone
i guess i have been eating so much in an effort to fill the hole in me
i guess that it hurts
i guess

twohundredandseventynine.

"live from the academy sag golden awards emmy tony globes"

chic formal wear
representing art on screen and tv and writing
directoring producering fashioning drivering
i want to be a part of this industry for sure
and drivering

i should wish to soon write something amazing
and it will star...
anne hathaway
claire danes
johnny depp
tina fey
yves st laurent
rosario dawson
mickey rourke
angelina and brad
my friend john
floyd (my dog)
my first grade teacher, mrs. bunce
that guy from 'dexter'
william shatner
kyra sedgewick
david beckham
posh spice also
the cast of entourage
'ugly betty's' america ferarrrrrrra

AND MORE!

twohundredandseventyeight.

"this this this is a very relaxing day"

T: by relaxing do you mean boring?
J: yes. that is what i meant.
T: i think that yes that yes that yes it is boring but in a good way?
J: hmmm....

(thirty minutes of thinking about boringness and what not)

T: ok what is your answer?
J: IN A GREAT WAY!!!!! FINAL ANSWERRRRRRRRR

twohundredandseventyseven.

"i took care of your dog today"

it made me miss you even more
and made me think that i can't wait until october
which is stupid
because i'll see you before that

but it won't be normal in february
and it will be weird weird weird
in march april may
june july august september

i'll be gone til october
i'll be gone til october
(chorus x2)

twohundredandseventysix.

"hard getting out of bed this morning"

lonely bed
you're pretty big when i look at you this way
when it's just you and me
and yards and miles and years of space

i know you had to go
and i know you will be back
but it doesn't mean i won't listen to emo music the whole time you're gone
and think about the moment i get to see you again

twohundredandseventyfive.

"little big big little big big little big"

has it really been 8 months
since the beginning of this 'writing'
on this 'internet'

nearly 8 i suppose
i could look up the exact date last 'whatever month'
but i am much much too busy

i could look up the 'month' too
but who has the time
or the energy

or the desire

happy anniversary

twohundredandseventyfour.

"melt"

goodbye
it was nice having you for a day
blink and the blanket is gone type of day

see you next year
or the year after that depending upon how youre feeling
how global warming and el nino also are feeling

it was real
real cold and real wet
i'm ready for summer

twohundredandseventythree.

"SNOW DAY"

OH MY GOSH
IT IS A SNOW DAY
WHICH IS UNBELIEVABLY THE COOLEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD
I FEEL LIKE A JEWISH MAN WHOSE FAMILY WAS ALMOST ALL KILLED
AND THEN I HAVE A BABY
(A LA A KURTY V. SHORT STORY)

OH MY GOSH
IT IS A SNOW DAY
IT IS A TOP DOWN WIND IN THE HAIR NO WORK KIND OF DAY
FUCK WORK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WORK
(A LA A KURTY V. SHORT STORY)

twohundredandseventytwo.

"cuter than michael stipe et al"

heck had we been photoblogged for 'the selby'
(whatever so much that is)
we would have been much cuter perhaps
perhaps a little more pretentious
but certainly much cuter

we don't have as many bricks as they do
and that is a huge concern of mine
but i digress
cuter is in the eye of the beholder
of the smart REM loving beholder

rock me rock me rock me sexy michael stipe
http://www.theselby.com/12_10_08_michael_stipe_thomas/index.html

twohundredandseventyone.

"thanks for sharing a latte with me"

even if you are sick
it seems like we have only a little amount of time together left
so maybe i won't worry about getting sick
or get mad over stupid bull shit
or start petty baby whiny fights

there's like a hundred million things i want to say before the end
but the end keeps coming faster and faster and i don't know when to do it
or what what what exactly to say
i know i can't sing it to you
i already got kicked off of 'american idol' once this week

i will miss you with the fire of a thousand misses
hope you have a safe trip to where you are going
and when we come back we will make the best of the couples of weeks we have left
and then fuck what is six seven eight months anyway?
nothing we can't survive

i love YOU

twohundredandseventy.

"i have these two characters in mind"

one is a pseudo elliot smith intellectual homosexual
one is a edie sedgewick spiraling out of control
together mayhem
apart mayhem
together apart mayhem

i know they will go to a health clinic
and she will get tested
cause i already wrote that
but what happens next
i think they should go to the factory and pretend to be warhol and edie

andy and edie
baby and lady
can i call you baby?
no
ok, i gotta get out of this office this makes no sense ramble ramble ramble i will never be creative again tragedy comedy tragedy comedy ramble

(from sept 08 but posted jan 09 -- how chic)

twohundredandsixtynine.

"this is the second scene...of an entirely different movie"

EXT. HOUSE, BACK PORCH - DAY
TEE is using a leaf blower to clean off the back porch. JAY is seated in a
reclining chair, his feet up, a margarita in his hand.
The noise of the leaf blower is deafening. Sweat drips off of TEE's forehead.
He is such a dilligent, hard, amazing worker. He should win awards.
TEE, finished with the cleaning of the back porch, shuts off the leaf blower.
TEE: Can I take a break now, Jay?
JAY: What does this look like? Break time? Are we on the break porch or the
work porch?
TEE: The break porch?
JAY: No. We are on the work porch!
TEE: But you're not working.
JAY: I don't have to work. I am all powerful. I drink margaritas and order
people around. I am a supervisor. I am an executive. I am an officer.
TEE: I am sad.
JAY: WORK!
TEE turns the leaf blower machine back on and begins cleaning off the porch
again. He also cries...a lot.

twohundredandsixtyeight.

"this is a movie"

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
JOHN enters and finds TONY laying on the couch playing 'Sonic Unleashed' on Wii.
JOHN: Hey, what are you doing there looking so cool?
TONY: Nothing. Just being cool. That is all.
JOHN: Wow. That looks really easy for you. Can you explain for me how to
also be cool?
TONY: Oui.
CUT TO:
INT. GARAGE - DAY
TONY stands in front of a chalkboard. JOHN sits staring at the board, drooling.
JOHN hangs on every word that TONY speaks.
TONY: Step one in being cool. Be cool.
TONY slams a ruler against a blank chalkboard.
TONY: Questions?
JOHN raises his hand in the air to ask a question.
TONY slams the ruler against the chalkboard again.
TONY: Step two: No questions!
JOHN's hand slowly comes down.
TONY: Now in order to be truly cool you must follow those two rules to a 'T'.
JOHN: As in 'Tony'?
TONY: Exactly.
JOHN: Grrrrr.
TONY: Huh?
JOHN: Like a tiger. Grrrr like a tiger.
TONY: Got you. Not cool.
JOHN cries.

twohundredandsixtyseven.

"sitting on a chair that feels like a nail chair"

it is so cold outside i could nail nails with carrots
nail them into thick real hard wood
and then unnail them
really?
no not really
not on the last part

this chair feels like a carrot-nailed thick hard real wood chair
and it's not as comfortable as you might think
it's like cutting off your leg
and then eating your leg
while you are still alive
and bleeding

not not not comfortable
feels like when your fingernails bend off your fingers
nail fingernail chair
that's what it is
but i like it in the meantime
in the in between time

'you go for yours and i'll go for mine'

twohundredandsixtysix.

"vin diesel jeans"

i have vin diesel jeans
which in so much means that i can drive really fast on snow mobiles
and that i can say clever things such as
..."but i was dead"
and perhaps
"you're nothing but a package to me"

i put my jeans on
i wear them out
i punch people and kick people
and then i share them with my friends
yes
the members of the traveling vin diesel jeans brigade

tear
it is sad
kicking ass like we do
and discovering ourselves
moments in time
learning from each other
and from the pants

diesel

twohundredandsixtyfive.

"can you read the words that are coming out of my hands?"

i'm not not not (EXCLAMATION POINT) going back to work
(PERIOD)
at least for the rest of the day (EXCLAMATION POINT)
(COMMA) and then after that i will decide further
(PERIOD)

like tomorrow (COMMA) that will be a new day of consideration
(SEMICOLON) a day when i can relax and clear my mind
(COMMA) read a book (COMMA) walk the dog (COMMA) skinny dip in a skinny lake
(PERIOD

(QUOTE) tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow (END QUOTE)
what a quotable quote (EXCLAMATION POINT)
someone famous wrote it
(PERIOD) (COMMA) (COLON) (SEMICOLON) (EXCLAMATION POINT) (END QUOTE)

twohundredandsixtyfour.

"tiredofreadingyourblog"

itsboringtritelameinsanehorriblelovelyinteresting
allthethingsthatihateloveneedheedreadbleedandmore
butimdonereadingyoursbecauseyounevermentionmeanymore
whatthefuckmostisthataboutyousillycuntburgerface
(iamtryingtogetallthelinestobethesamelengthunsuccessfully)

illreadalittlewhilelonger;youhaveaboutfourmoreblogs
tokeepmeinterestedandafterthatimgoingtohavetosearch
foranewblogormaybegiveuptheinternetentirelyandinvent
anewformofsocialexpressioncalleda'flog'ora'sog'anditwill
beneatforsure.lindsaylohanwillreaditandwriteonitifthatmeans
anythingtoyou(psitshouldbecausesheisonehotredheadtit)

lovemelovemelovemeiimploreyouasiwritethisandthinkabout
howmuchmoreinterestingmyblogisthanyourblogyoupatheti-blog
gobacktowisconsingobacktoconnecticutgobacktoharlemgogogo
iwillquityourblogbecomeagogoandwritemyownuniquegogoblog
(probablymorethanlikelysomeonehasalreadycomeupwiththatidea)

twohundredandsixtythree.

"do you want to move to connecticut with me"

seeing as how you love cold
and an ivy league education
you should move move away away
avec moi, sil vous plait

being as how you are from the south
and you enjoy warmness education
you should move move away away
mit mir, (germans don't say please)

MOVE WITH ME
in a couple of years
IT WILL BE GREAT
you will be see KNEE everything!

twohundredandsixtytwo.

"sorry i have been so busy"

sorry. i have been so busy. i have been so busy eating cookies. and you know how i love cookies. eating. girl. i'm not one to complain or anything, hardy har har, but i have been working myself to the bone (and eating cookies) lately. i have been busy working myself to the bone eating cookies specifically. white ones. brown ones. white and brown ones. white and brown ones in the middle of a pudding sandwich. busy with them all. but i will not be busy too much longer. since cookies are endangered. jan 31 2009 -- the day the cookies went extinct. tear tear tear.

twohundredandsixtyone.

"rah rah radiohead"

seriously for a second. i had a dream that i would like to share about rah rah paula abdul and if you want to hear it you can listen and if you don't you can fuck yourself sideways. i care not which path you chose, but only that you choose one and not teeter-totter on the decision for far longer than it would take for me to weave this tale. rah rah. have you decided? alright. then i shall continue. no shit. there i was. giving it to rah rah paula abdul high and dry meat shaft in beef curtains dick on pussy dick in pussy D in P D in A D in M(outh) all that and then V in A and P in A and A/P in D and all the variances in between. hot to say the least. and then just as rah rah paula abdul and myself are about to rah rah climax...simon cowell and his man-boobs (hereafter referred to as moobssss) walk in and ruin my nut. i pull out of rah rah paula and end up shooting a stream of jism that covers the walls and the walls to the windows etc and all over simon's skin tight black t-shirt and his underlying not so subtle moobssss. i was offended. rah rah paula was offended. simon was not so offended. he loves moob juice. of course. especially from seacrest. 'give me that moob juice, seacrest! all night long (in british accent and whatnot)'. rah rah rah. and radiohead was there too. rah.

twohundredandsixty.

"the beginning of non un-interesting-ness"

today was a crazy wild normal slightly sane day that consisted of sleeping in and then, upon the time when sleep had ended, as such, of waking up and running around and doing a lot of nothing and something. for instance there was some painting involved and some erranding and some horrible movie watching. recommendation: never ever ever ever see the movie 'i know who killed me' unless you want to be entertained for a million years with just how bad a movie it is and how lindsay and that guy from 'band of brothers' and that other girl could have made such a terrible career decision. i hope they got paid a lot of money. i hope they got paid millions upon millions of dollars. upon millions upon millions upon millions. i hope that. and then i hope they gave a little too charity; cause that's the right thing to do. give it to me even. give it to my charity. the charity that watches bad movies and gets money for it. next week we're screening the film 'towelhead' starring two-face from that new 'batman' movie. we're looking forward to the awkward pseudo-racist sex tale that's bound to unfold. send all comments to www.i_dont_like_comments.com.

twohundredandfiftynine.

"259 nothings that have added up to...259 nothings"

i haven't been interesting since july 2008
or maybe before that
maybe since the beginning
but definitely since july 2008

maybe interesting in the way that you would look at something boring
at something trite and predictable
and say
hmmmm...that's interesting

but really mean
hmmmm...that's un-interesting
or
hmmmm...that's so un-interesting that it's nothing

so un-interesting that i hyphenate 'un-interesting'
even if that is not interesting
even if
it is un-interesting

goal: become interesting
or
not un-interesting
in the near future

twohundredandfiftyeight.

"not looking forward to some things"

but in the positive i am also looking forward to some other things
so that should even out
we'll see
no more counting days
no more punting blue jays
no more hunting mercedes
benz
dealerships
down
with beebee guns

twohundredandfiftyseven.

"good to see you at harris teeter today"

i was dripping paint all morning
in expectation of seeing you this afternoon in the checkout line
you looked pretty
in that i-talk-about-you-behind-your-back sort of way

but it was honestly great to see you
hope you're having a lovely new year
hope no one stabs you in the back
or farts on your pillow

love,
your biggest fan
and friend
monica-caca lewinski

twohundredandfiftysix.

"good morning"

i've been trying to get a hold of you most of the morning
i think your phone is broken
you should call sprint and look into it
cause this is like the eighteenth time this has happened
or nineteenth

it's okay though
we will get through this
and play wii all day
and smile
and giggle

aww...days off are so niiiiiice

twohundredandfiftyfive.

"this is the greatest song i have ever heard in my whole life"

what song is it?
i'm not sure.
can we google it when we get home?
yah just remember some of the lyrics.
i think he said 'my dick's on fire'
no he said 'magic's a liar'
that don't make no sense
neither does your new haircut
what??!
you look like that guy from television
george clooney?
no
who?
spongebob squareface
oh i can see that
it's a fierce look don't get me wrong
well that's what i was going for so good
yah, good
'my dick's on fire!!!!'
'magic's a liar!!!!'
i love you
ditto

twohundredandfiftyfour.

"new year's resolutions"

overall theme is to be happy in life and live hard and have fun and whatnot.
under lying theme is that i rock and i shall continue to rock in 2009.

one. travel. north south east west midwest MIDDLE EAST.
two. love. give and get and give and give. found it and holding onto it.
three. work. do work girl. get that job rocking get that bod rocking.
four. quit. quit some of the shitty sucky things or limit them like drinking and pooping on people.

those are four.

also make new friends. write more. laugh more. sing more. download more music. explain to people that i don't really poop on people but that that was a joke more. look at porn more (or less). smile more. floss more. play with the dog more. more more more.

i'm glad to meet you 2009. i think this is going to be a great new FRIEND ship.

twohundredandfiftythree.

"shm-america's biggest loser"

i've never met a bigger loser than
this fellow i once met named stan
he had a daughter he had a son
he loved to laugh and enjoyed an occasional pun

but if you talked to stan past three
he would tell you of things he once did see
like orcs and dragonballs and jedis and such
loved star wars and sci fi and not else much

he was a nerd
A NERD
a nerd-o baggins
he liked to read
TO READ
and fight with dungeons and with dragons

NERD
LOSER
GEEK
AMERICA