twohundredandtwo.

"you were the best thing in my life"

heart
you were the best thing in my life
and now you are not in my life
so now there is no best thing in my life
broken

twohundredandone.

"a whole day of dead birds smoking cigarettes causes writers BLOCK"

block block block
totally tracking to write the best novel of all time
about robots dancing with their eyes open
and then side swiped
by dead smoking birds
cigs cause cancer
birds cause cigs
therefore cigs cause cigs?

birds
writers block is for the birds
is for the cigs?
cancer

twohundred.

"turn of the century"

a new place i am now than i were at the last turn o' the century
twas many months ago then
perhaps three or two or one
perhaps less
when the century turned before
and what do i have to show for myself

what do i have to show for the last century of work?
the last century of improvement of complaints of revolutions
probably not that much
probably not that little
but the next century will be different

'how so?'
you'd ask
'how will the next century of poetry of centuries of poetries be different?'
i will ask to confuse confuse confuse
'huh?'
you might say and make that squishy wushy face
'exactly'
i'll whisper and scream over and over and over
until we all know what the next century will hold

something
and nothing

onehundredandninetynine.

"preparing for halloween."

in preparation for halloween
i take to the costume store
where i purchase wigs and makeup and garments
to make me look like a whore

'this should be easier to do' i think
to make myself a slut
but money money money and
i look like anything but

i look like a tree a squirrel
a clown a rocket
if my costume sucks again this year
i'll put my finger in a socket

onehundredandninetyeight.

"random notes to note."

worked my hands to the bone today
in the office outside
with the tools and the machines
and the bars
the bars without alcohol
that have to be turned and wrenched
and broken and fixed

worked my hands to the bone today
and probably will tomorrow
but in a different world outside
with paperwork and computers
presentations and pens
the type you write with
the type you turn and scribble
and break and fix

worked my hands to the bone today
and then died and died and died
all that work was hardly worth the hands-to-bone-ness
the wrenching and the penning
hardly worth it
perhaps i should have found different occupations
to turn and toil
to break and fix

onehundredandninetyseven.

"in memorium"

and then no more sadness.
because that's how it should be.
it's really sad that you died.
the way you did especially.

i thought you were/was/are/will be happy.
but you weren't/won't/aren't.
i hope you find happiness now/then/before/in between/next/after/then/now.
always.

rest.

onehundredandninetysix.

"'you dont weep when the leaves fall.'"

if there's one thing i learned from reading LIFE magazine 17SEP1965,
it's that 'you dont weep when the leaves fall'.
so i wont
weep
when leaves fall

LIFE
dont weep when life falls
when leaves fall on life
when life and leaves and fall turns to winter
and death
and death
and death

don't weep when the leaves (life) fall,
you

onehundredandninetyfive.

"and the big machine keeps on machining"

one less but the machine is still the machine
it still rumbles and rocks and rolls
it still churns out tiny machines for tiny machining
one less but the machine aint dead

onetwothree less but the machine will still machine
it will still be the machine
still machining and rumbling and rocking and churning
onetwothree less but the machine doesn't care

onetwothreefourfiveinfinity less and nobody cares
we could lose em all
the machine could lose em all
onetwothreefourfiveinfinity less...the machine is still the machine

onehundredandninetyfour.

"those sad radiohead type days"

mondays mostly
but sometimes it can be wednesdays thursdays tuesdays fridays etc.
sad
and listening to radiohead on repeat

mondays mostly
but sometimes it doesn't actually matter what day it falls on etc.
it could be any sad day
and i'd be listening to radiohead on repeat

mondays mostly
but people kill themselves on fridays saturdays tuesdays sundays etc.
because they are sad
and have been listening to radiohead on repeat

onehundredandninetythree.

"my mother is angelica houston.

just found out.
about two and a half hours ago.
she called.
i said, 'hello?'.
she said, 'hi this is angelica houston and i am your mother'.
ironic.
because i just saw her in a movie.
'you just saw me in a movie? which one?'.

'choke. or the one where you were mean to drew barrymore'.
i couldnt remember me under the circumstances.

'i enjoyed both those roles. but i will enjoy the role of your mother even more'.
that's clever. clever writing she must have written before ringing me.

'ok...mom?'.
i said nervously. and hesitantly because i've seen pictures of my birth mother.
giving birth.
to me.
in a hospital.

'trust me. we doctored the pictures from the hospital with your birth mother'.
i was just thinking that and she said it. she must really be my mother.

'by the way im just fucking with you. this is larry. from the street corner'.

'wow. you sound a lot like angelica houston, larry'.
i screamed. brilliantly.

onehundredandninetytwo.

"inspired. again."

and by none other than that old fillibuster echo echo cummings
with his dots and semicolons
and sporatic capitalization
midsentence metaphors
quotation mark quotation mark
parentheses

if he can make it we all can make it and if we he she us all can make it
then we're golden
as golden as the showers in gym class
as golden as the sun shining shimmering down
quotation mark quotation mark
parentheses

yes yes we will all be fine in the end beginning middle now
cause thats what He She They want for us
fine
fineness in the end
quotation mark quotation mark
parentheses

onehundredandninetyone.

"you are so lucky with your lucky life"

you are little
maybe five five
and a boy
and you have a pretty wife
with a baby on the way
who is a little girl
you told me
after the baby-sex-checking-machine scanned your pretty wife's stomach

you are number one in your class
and after you graduate
you are number one at work time
and get to go to advance schooling of choice
and leave from work time early
and no one cares
because you are lucky time
and nice

you also have straight teeth
lucky

onehundredandninety.

"creative slump."

maybe its because not much has changed in the last six or so months.
maybe its because ive written all i can about complaining.
about work. and dogs. and sicks. and etc.
maybe.
so now maybe to be maybe creative maybe i should complaining about something maybe different.

what?
like what maybe should i complaining about maybe?
janice dickinson.
she looks maybe like a plastic android maybe from maybe space.
and she fired me from her maybe agency.

maybe that's complaining.
new creative non-slumping creative.
complaining.
maybe.
janice.

onehundredandeightynine.

"last time i checked i was still at work even though it was much later than work should normally be"

that was the last time i checked
and when i checked again
just now
i was also still at work
and now it was even later after work than it had been the first time i checked

why
why are we still at work
you and i
we could go home
and dance

i checked again
i was still there
at work
sitting and staring at the clock
and now this time it was even later after work than it had been the second time

why
why are we still at work
you and i
pretending to work
and dance

onehundredandeightyeight.

"excited about big mirrors unexcited about sick mirrors"

sick
er than yesterday
but not sick
er
than i have ever been

long
er week than last week
but not the long
est
week i have ever had

at least a giant mirror is being deliver
ed
to the house
to
day

onehundredandeightyseven.

"friends everywhere: i feel like courtney cox"

more like courtney cocks
is this a 'sausage fest'?
i think so
i dont know the definition
as i dont have a dick-tionary
but if i did
and if i would
i would find that i did find this under the word:
'sausage fest'

'womanizer womanizer womanizer'
britney spears is playing at this 'sausage fest' as well?
ok now its gay
it just turned gay
thanks
good to know
for the future

onehundredandeightysix.

"savour the flavour"

170 some odd days until one year since that one thing happened
means i gotta savour the flavour
the secret recipe
the kfc chicken blend

live every day like the next day you might get your hand chopped off
and fed to pidgeons
and then when you're trying to chase the hand-carrying-pidgeons into the street
you get hit by a school bus

a large school bus
live every day like that is going to happen tomorrow
and you'll be set
like glue or something that sets

onehundredandeightyfive.

"i made myself a sandwich"

i mad myself a sandwich
for lunch
but if you were i would have made two

i would have made two sandwiches
for lunch
and if you brought a friend i'd make three

i would have made three sandwiches
for lunch
and if your friend brought maybe their cousin then there'd be four

i would have made four sandwiches
for lunch
but i only made one

loner
my loner sandwich is going to commit suicide
in my mouth

onehundredandeightyfour.

"holy 1985, bat weasel"

the original comic book hero
'bat weasel'
he was as uninteresting as his description might be
so i will not describe
instead i will talk about john mccain

i dont care if blake lively doesn't like john mccain
when is the last time a pseudo teen icon made up my decision for commander of these states
besides when marrissa cooper from the OC told me to vote for nader
besides that time

im listening to non teen icons for this one
betty white says 'vote for robots'
so i will
i will vote for robots
again and again and again

onehundredandeightythree.

"my friend mark is a dj"

vicente not ronson
and he's canadian
not british

mon ami mark est un dee-jay
oui oui
non non

that's something you might say
if you were at a set of his
at one of his fabuLOUD parties

excuse moi?
oui oui
non non

is something someone else might say
because they can't hear you
over all the fabuLOUD muzak

doesnt everyone love the muzak?
oui oui
non non

onehundredandeightytwo.

"the james cameron of fayetteville"

that is to say a person who makes movies
at a grand scale
in a small town

excepting that you dont have a camera
for grand scale camering
in small town-ering

your picture frames are then perhaps in only your mind
where the grand scale-ering
of the small town-ering takes place

they will win awards of photography and such
at a grand scale event
maybe in a not such a small a town

bravo
bravisimo
bravisisisisisisisimo

onehundredandeightyone.

"i sure am glad you didnt die"

that would have been sad times
bad times
not so rad times

now we can have good times
hood times
in the mood times

youre great
dont hate
call me late

-errrrrrr.

onehundredandeighty.

"inspiration station"

squeak squeak
beep beep
i feel urge by noise by love by beat
this word is the weirdest sound i ever heard
are you a gay worm or a perm or a bird

what the fuck
over
is happening
here
this is the weirdest happening i ever heard happening

stroke stroke stroke
my ego
my dick
my love
my trickkkkkkkk

is for kids

(im drunk)

onehundredandseventynine.

"i wish i was lil wayne"

or a porn star
either one would do
mad money
mad charm
mad dick
mad forearms

i could do that
that rap game
i could spit lyric
over line over beat over drum
over spit over spit over spit

over snares and base
thats what that kid says
snares and base
he said that shit before i typed that shit
basically ms cleo on this fucker

i could do that
that rap game
but i dont want to
porn star
over shirt over pant under pant under shirt

spit spit squirt squirt

onehundredandseventyeight.

"drunk and waiting for afghanistan-a to come"

afghanistan-a, my beautiful arabian princess
when will you be coming home
and gracing us with your princess grace presence?
i miss you
and ive been drinking all night
so i'll be an easy lay when you get home

i cant watch anymore paris hilton on mtv
i thought you would be here an hour ago
and ive watched an hour more of paris than i can actually handle
but for you
for you i'd wait a lifetime my arabian-a princesssssssss

j'adore
j'adore dior
and you
et vous
suck it

loveeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuu
afghanistan-a

onehundredandseventyseven.

"lou reed is ovating my tv"

is that the right word?
'ovating'
ovulating
invading
obturading
that last one is no word i know
you're right
i made it up
you're a regular e.e.
who?
cummings
that's right
you know him?
of course
his book is on my coffee table
e.e. cummings writes the blues
and other assorted ramblings
neat
very.

onehundredandseventysix.

"this is a long twelve hours"

this is a long twelve hours
of wait
too long
perhaps ill drink alcohol
to pass the time

or read
or write
or beat the dog
with the dog beating stick
call peta now call

i too would like to know where the riverboat sails tonight
that might pass time
figuring out where it goes
maybe to the galapagos
with kurt vonnegut

maybe to stars hollow
with a gilmore girl
or two
maybe outside in the backyard
with the backyard dog beating stick

onehundredandseventyfive.

"dad's coming home"

in a couple of months
but excitement
ensues
enraptures
covers me
my land
my face
my dog
fifteen months
fifteen months in a land where there is war
thats too long
much too long
come home
stay with mom
for a while
stay in this country
and not that one
live
no guns
no bombs
no presidents or soldiers
no osamas or obamas
love
you're coming home
and im glad

onehundredandseventyfour.

"im not going to stand by a door until you come in"

here
you let yourself in
the door is open
you decide
decide to come in or not
its just like when sarah palin decides to be hot or not
and she always decides the former
to be hot
cause future potential presidents should be hot
not the opposite
not the latter
egads
never the latter

onehundredandseventythree.

"this is going to be art in front of eyeballs"

art for the sake of art
for the snake of it too
snakes love art
they like to slide on it
and slither
and inject venom into it

you're like a slithery venom-injected art lover
you snake
you auctioneer
you snake auctioneer
will it all work out, tom petty?

i hope so
i really do
for your sake
you snake
for the sake of the snake

onehundredandseventytwo.

"'garden state' had a good soundtrack too"

that's just something i wanted to say to wrap up something i was saying before
catch up

onehundredandseventyone.

"im going to listen to the 'elizabethtown' soundtrack until you come home"

cause i know you would do the same for me
you sappy corny sucker for a good tune
even from a horrible horrible movie
a horrible horrible horrible movie

elton john, lindsey buckingham, patty griffin,
tom petty, ryan adams
i feel like i'm in a moody episode of 'the o.c.'
marissa just overdosed
seth cohen just made a jewish joke

oh, kirsten dunst
you're teeth are so bad
so so so so horrible bad
but i think youre kinda brilliant
and even though this particular movie was not so good
the music was epic and your smile was epic and your skin

i liked 'marie antoinette'
i'll admit it
i like coppola
sofia and francis ford
and i love you little dunst
no matter what perez hilton says
that fat douche
that fat funny douche

this soundtrack is amazing
it's like the 'almost famous' soundtrack
meets the soundtrack from 'fern gully'
moving
epic
stirring
two enthusiastic thumbs up

this is my ode to kirsten dunst
i hope you liked it

onehundredandseventy.

"patty griffin type in love"

gonna write you a fat folk love song
that'll make you want to cry and throw up
at the same time
make you wanna write a romantic comedy
starring sandra bullock
make you wanna rip the script in half
and jump in the middle
rap yourself up in it
and take a nap
wake up and pour yourself some hot cocoa
sip and smile and smirk and think
about me
about me writing you a fat folk love song
and about me loving you
like sandra bullock would
cause i love you
like sandra bullock would

onehundredandsixtynine.

"did you say 'sixty-nine'?"

oui
but in french
so i said...(in french) 'sixty-nine'
i didnt know i could speak french
you can't
that was stage directions
the words would sound in french
but appear in english
oh

onehundredandsixtyeight.

"that music sounds so weird coming from your lack of speakers"

its transparent
or that thing that goes through the air like whales talk
yeah, whale talk
it's that

today was a load of whale talk
work that is
and the ness that was before work
the before-work-ness

it was all a jumbledy jiggle
waiting for you when i thought you would be here
waiting for the phone
but only hearing whale talk

unamused
unrefused
un-watching-that-channel-fuze
the music channel that places whale talk music

huh
i dont like that channel
with it's speakerless speakers
its transparent whale noise word talk

its that

onehundredandsixtyseven.

"youre really worried about shit that doesnt actually matter"

dont show me anymore silly little maps
ill smack them in your faces
that one and that face over there
you're two faced
no i counted again
three faced

this stuff doesnt honestly matter
honestly
i mean really
honestly
it doesnt matter

so just go back to pretending it does matter
but dont talk to me about it
cause im not not pretending it doesnt matter
and my pretending is stronger
cause my pretend is real

suck it

onehundredandsixtysix.

"out of the field out of my mind"

out of milk
that whore left and didnt even restock the cow juice
bitch
i oughta milk you til your tits dry up
and turn to tit dust

good to be home
good to be here
good to be queer
at writing
queer writing
not sex
thats gay

you're fucking style is so out of hand
out of the field
out of your mind
shakespeare would disapprove
but then understand
cause you're out of milk

onehundredandsixtyfive.

"good grief you send me a lot of spam e-mail charlie brown"

my inbox is full of your chain mail spamalies
i dont care if sarah palin is the best candidate
or why ron paul should be burned/hanged/loved
or how many people i have to send how many things to to get how many things
or so on or so on

you only learned how to send emails like three years ago
and now i get about fifty million from you per day
and when i send you a real email
you send me one-liners
this doesnt make sense!

youre eighty-two years BOLD
bold to send me so many spammers
bold to ask me to email you regular things
bold to not send me back regular replies
bold to be the most republican person on the planet mccain

but i dig you
i dig you hard
youre the best grandpa who's ever told me an awkward high school boner story there is
keep on rocking with your junk mailers, opa
ich bin ein berliner

onehundredandsixtyfour.

"may be a closet kurt vonnegut fan"

or character
i am a character in a kurt vonnegut novel
i am wait
i am hoover
i am trout

you are kilgore trout?

oui
i am

how biblical of you

the 'i am' part

yah

thanks, i liked the 'oui' part better

non, the french is c'est passe

ok

onehundredandsixtythree.

"need to pack but dont want to go"

thats a joni mitchell song, yah?
no
it isnt
yellow sidewalk submarines or something
dee dee dee
that's pretty noises

agree
singer/songwriter/blogmaster
70s called
they want their singer/songwriter back
im hip to your lingo, 70s
and i aint coming groovy back

ya dig?

onehundredandsixtytwo.

"watching sixty mike mikes to figure out the inside delta force sitch"

i dont want to go delta force
really?
yes
why?
because i think it's tough
ok.
and i cant keep a secret
that's reasonable.
i dont think i can maintain a square jaw and a six pack year round
good point.
im a complainer
word.
and a procrastinator
to your mother.
and i hate punctuation
*($)!(@*#_)#%.!!>

onehundredandsixtyone.

"showdown at the morganton redlight coral"

this is as serious a tale as has ever been told
in the history of tales
and tails

honk honk honk honk
i need to go to the gas station
honk honk
i dont care

finger finger
fuck your mother
finger finger back
no fuck your mother

green light
drive away
fat finger no letting over lady following
finger finger honk honk honk

faster faster gas
shes catching up
looks like shes about to battering ram us
finger finger

she didnt
she turned
i live in this fucking neighborhood
now that fat ass knows where i live

i dont care
i have to live here too
?
not true...you live in a different country and are just visiting and crashing on my couch and fighting with puerto ricans at stop lights cause they won't let us get over to get gas so they chase us down the road and nearly kill us

that's where you live

onehundredandsixty.

"great giant mirror i dream of you"

i dream of you in the non-fairy tale way
but the hgtv i want you in my house way
candice olson would do the same

i will own you one day
one day after the next pay day
candice olson would do the same

and when i put you behind my starbucks
you will look so good when you reflect the goodness of good
candice olson would do the same

youre a leak and what a leak you are
o the greeks would write such an ode to you
candice olson would do the same

give me 500 dollhairs so i can buy you
no big deal
candice olson would do the same

onehundredandfiftynine.

"tattoo on my face looks like ludwig van"

babe ruth tattooed me the other day
with a babeball bat
gave me tatwo nice shiners
and a broken tooth
look like ludwig van beerthoven
's second symphony
or his eighth

i was really young when my third son was born
named him van beerthoven the ninth
hit him with a babeball bat
gave him tatwo nice shiners
and a broken tooth
made him look like ludwig van beerthoven
's third symphony
or his ninth

i lied to my mom every night sneaking out of the house
she named me van beerthoven the twelfthiest
she knocked me in the head with a beerball bat
gave me tatwo shiners nice
and a broken tooth
me look like ludwig van babethoven
's twelfthiest symphony
or his first

onehundredandfiftyeight.

"my job consists of going places to do nothing"

which sounds interesting
but places of going include fields
and forests
and woods
and treelines

i need a camera
to take pictures of these going nothing happening places
to rememberize them
to write them and right them
the forests and woods
and treelines

can you take my job from/for me
for/from a little while til a little while from/for now
appreciation guaranteed
ill pay you in cash
or forests or woods
or treelines

cold hard treelines

onehundredandfiftyseven.

"this is uninspired"

writing cause i should but not cause i know what to write
clearing head of stupid things
like vonnegut in 'breakfast of champions'
no more pictures of asterick assholes in there
get em on paper
and out of head

dwayne hoover
asterick asshole creator of the universe
i got a couple of you up there in my brain-o
will end up like your wife
drinking drano
if i dont get you on paper

vonnegut
me
not comparably similar
he's an ok writer
im brilliant
of course

jk jk jk jk jk jk lol lol lol lol

onehundredandfiftysix.

"lazy saturday morning afternoons"

how come youre all the way over there in afghanistan
normally youre here on saturdays
and we go to target
for coffee
and to listen to weird people
and buy things we dont need
and buy things we dont want
and buy things

how come youre all the way over there in afghanistan
normally youre here in my bed
on saturdays
and we just lie there
and think about things that we dont need
and think about things that we dont want
and think about things

how come youre all the way over there in afghanistan
normally youre just here
everyday but especially saturdays
and we walk the dogs or dont or work out or not
and talk about things we dont need
and talk about things we dont want
and talk about things

i miss you
when youre all the way over there in afghanistan
je taime
that means something in french
that i hope i can say to you one day
in person
on saturdays

onehundredandfiftyfive.

"woke up with the faintest rememberies of last night's faintness"

going to bed listening to the faint
on my pullout rugged worn down college futon
regretting letting my mom sleep on my bed in my room
i realized that my brain was about to take a nightmare trip
on elm street
or road

i live on a road
and i need to pay bills
for that road
tomorrow
or today

make coffee make coffee make coffee
plus ephedra
awake
hgtv and online furniture shopping all day
random

who?
what is this about?
not sure
ok
talk to you never

onehundredandfiftyfour.

"string cheese incident part II"

hold on.
i'm watching paris hilton's new bff.
ill bff-right back

and return
enter writer stage left
he writes
dilligently
dillinger-ently
beautimously

paris is cool
i could be cool
i could be her cool bff (text me)

onehundredandfiftythree.

"pushup for pushup sake"

instead of doing pushups
im just going to eat push-pops
both ways will make me grow big
one in the arms
one in the stomach

w.w.f.f.d.
what would fred flinstone do
eat push-pops
and then ride in a car with no shoes on
or gas pedals

he really worked off a lot of the calories that way
f.f. needed to stay fit
for wilma
she was a hood rat chick for sure
loved the caveman dick (esp. barney's)

onehundredandfiftytwo.

"i am no longer unintentionally boycotting perez hilton"

i forgot about you
perez
until i saw you on vh1
the other day
looking almost skinny

missing you i ran to my computer
logged on
typed in
sat back
engorged

gossip gossip gossip
still dont know why you hate jennifer aniston
still dont know why she spells her name 'jennifer' and not 'jennifre'
perez
can you answer that for me

in a sarcastic manner
in a sarcastic biased trashy cum-drawing manner
expose me
use me
splatter me all over the internet

ill return the favor
sexually
orrrrrrrrr not.

onehundredandfiftyone.

"paris fashion week. moi et jean paul gaultier"

no big deal
we're friends
best
marc jacobs is so jealous he now spells his name with a 'k'
tragique

dita von teese comforted him
with a bubble bath
and a palm job
palm
job
hot

im sorry mark
hope we can be friends too
and you can spell your name the other way again
the 'marc' way
eerie
pennsylvania

onehundredandfifty.

"wet dog + dry house = im gonna beat up my dog in my dry house until he gets dry"

peta called
and wanted you to give your dog back
to a shelter
supposedly ellen degeneres has something to do with this
(cue the tears)

ill turn him in
on one condition
you suck on some bullets first
shoot em up
(peta)
gangsta style
(cue the blood)

onehundredandfortynine.

"sharks eating orchids every which where"

and rihanna's busy doing 'numa numa' remixes
what a crazy day
chasing paper
fielding marches
living lifes
or lifing lives
either
both

hows your mom
i aint seen her since tuesday
before last
ok
tell her i said 'what up'
'numa numa'