onehundredandfortyeight.

"'my new dj name is dj gay love' he texted"

really?
i like it
what about just 'gay love'
or dj buzzkill
that was the second option

what about a mixture of the two choices
dj buzz gay
dj gay kill
dj buzz love
dj love kill

suck it dj AM
youre no longer the cool kid on the GLOCK
bout to shoot out some musical bullets all over your turntable
sonnnnnn

onehundredandfortyseven.

"work that clit cum girl"

speaking of things that i was talking to your mom about the other day
she wanted to know where i got those pears
i by pears i do not mean the giant balls she likes to rest on her chin
the ones i got from marshall's that i put on the dining room table
she drooled over them
and right onto my fat cock

your mom is a whore
for decoration
she loves a good trip to pier one
and then a good spear one in her guts
'stir them guts' she screams
when we make paint on wall

onehundredandfortysix.

"last night when i was watching 'gossip girl' and masturbating..."

i realized i wasn't watching 'gossip girl'
and it wasnt leighton meester i was masterBEATing to
i was watching 'golden girls'
and pleasuring myself to rue mclanahan

'gossip girl'
'golden girls'

damnit blanche
you look so fine in that mumu and kitten heels
put on a boa and take me to bed
i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toessssss

onehundredandfortyfive.

"gay porn til you die"

M.I.A, question for you you brown ass hot bitch
what are you doing tonight
i was thinking about having some friends over
smoke a little chron chron
eat some easy mac
maybe watch a little gay porn

you in?

if not i understand your busy-ness
you're probably hanging out with natalie portman
and scarlett johansson
the other other boleyn girl
thats who you are
dipped in chocolate ready to serve i love you like chinese food

onehundredandfortyfour.

"mark (n.) a german currency; a hot dj; a dark mole denoting beauty"

ive been listening to T.I. for the last 46 minutes so it will be hard to wax poetic on all that is mark dj vicente in a way that is indie meets shakespeare without a sparkle of street mixed in (yes, t.i. sparkles)
but he was born
the same day madonna was
well that she was reborn
into magical judaism
coincidence?
no

that same day janet jackson also waxed her fat beav
it was attractive
she gave it a jerry curl
it looked like eddie murphy in 'coming to america'

love his music live his music
eddies and mark djs
my mark dj likes to party all the time party all the timmmeeeee
any questions
didnt think so

book him
today
(call me larry tee)
(today or tomorrow)

onehundredandfortythree.

"is that a giant poster of a dog on your wall or are you just happy to see me"

the first
the first one is the one that i will answer that it is
for this instance
i would be happy to see you under any other circumstances
just not this one
it's weird
in a weird way

you pooped on my bed
remember

onehundredandfortytwo.

"this girl i went to school with just called and said 'hey' to which i said 'ok'"

cause i hadnt heard from her in a little while
and i didnt know who it was
even though we were besties on the facebook
bestie bestie besties
for life and forever and so on

but she looks better on the internet
so when she was fat in person it was hard to recognize through all those LBs
lose the LBs
i'll remember you
we can be in a relationship on the facebook again
duh

onehundredandfortyone.

"i dont like your away message, cathy"

its malade
and i dont like it when tu es malade
scrappy
thats your nickname
i just gave it to you
love it
or lose it
or fuck yourself you silly cunt
you silly away message lame cunt

i miss you

onehundredandforty.

"slut slut slut (in a good way)"

you wear that trashy sexy slutty little number
wednesday thursday saturday sunday
and i like it
more each day but most on the last day
cause its not been washed for like five days
hot
dirt

why dont you wear it on friday
that trashy sexy slutty little number
it could be nice
to see
then

onehundredandthirtynine.

"parades are not as cool as 40s movies make them out to be"

we got it, cary grant
you love parades
and easter bonnets
but when you are wearing a maroon beret
and it is late september to early october
or mid june to midder june
the parade is the four letterest word i've ever heard of

march march march
no more march
until march
then i will march for whoever you want me to march for
especially if its for my birthday
which is late march
to early april

onehundredandthirtyeight.

"5.30 AM is earlier in the AM than i would like it to be"

but ill be there
cause its my job
and i love work
more than rosie odonnel loves blogging
or lesbian-ing

i love work so much that my face hurts when i am not at work
like hurts in a way that burns
like chlamydia
a facial chlamydia burn
maybe i should get that checked out

rosie, can you give me a chlam scan?

onehundredandthirtyseven.

"you dont write for thirteen days and then you think you can just jump back on like nothing happened like there was no break like we never were apart like im some sort of blog journal poetry whore you cant live without you"

geesh blog journal poetry whore,
i didnt realize you were so sensitive.
i didnt have internet for a long time,
and then i got it.
for you.

you journal whore,
you sexy cunt journal whore,
i wanna dribble poetry all over you.
lick lick suck suck,
poetry before we fuck.

onehundredandthirtysix.

"i'm sorry you got bit by fire ants in the backyard"

serves you right you dog
you digging dugging loving hugging dog
you dug a hole in an ant hill and ants hilled a dig in your face
your nose looks bad
in a non-good way

it looks like jessica simpson before the proactive
or like a hobbit/yoda offspring
whichever is worse
(the former)
(is worse)

but i still love you you dig dug love hug dog

onehundredandthirtyfive.

"dont go to afghanistan"

i know you have to as it makes you big and strong
and happy
and makes people respect you more even though they respect you infinitely
and gives you awards and gives you jewish sayings
and makes your dick grow
and your hair on your chest come in thicky thick

even though all those things are positively true-ish
i still wish you would stay here with me
and the house
and the non-bullets
and the non-IEDs
and the non-death

you're going to be fine
i know it
i know you know it and i'm trying to make myself know it
so saying 'i know it' makes me seem confident about the knowing
be safe
keep your head down
i'll love you forever

onehundredandthirtyfour.

"big couch big room big couch little room"

the big couch fits and is comfortable
in the big room
but had i had a smaller room
and tried to fit the same big couch in there
i wouldve been double penetration fucked
and not in a good way

the dinosaur egg pillows are gone
like that was even a question
they looked like fred flinstone's unborn fetuses
or 'feet-i'
i dont blame wilma for the abortion
i just wish she would have consulted me first

choice!

onehundredandthirtythree.

"my boyfriend's back and youre going to be in trouble"

new mexico was far and flat and gay and desert
but here was boring and alone and flat and gay and desert
mojave
-esque
bon jovi
-esque

but youre back now
so ill forget about the boring far flat gay desert alone days
and look forward to the near pleasant obtuse vast forest days
jungle
-esque
upton sinclair
-esque

welcome home

onehundredandthirtytwo.

"its called a 'hiatus' for a reason, clown"

moved into a new house
which was almost destroyed by hurricane, nee tropical storm, hanna
what a bitch
no internet
no tv
no bratty former roommate who wont pay the rent on the APT

dog happy
boy happy
world happy

this is the maid speaking by the way